KITTEN TALK 34: LESSONS IN CELIBACY 💖🍆💦
Hey Kittens!
Happy October! I am so excited for the autumn weather, pumpkin carving (not pumpkin spice though), warm delicious candle scents like vanilla bean or cinnamon and cuddle season!
I got the mario coins knocked out of my pussy this past weekend and after having a blissful few days, I wanted to share my experience being celibate and how I felt coming to the end of that journey.
So, boom: I decided to become celibate 2 years ago after a relationship I thought would be great end up terrible. I was traumatized by how it ended and needed time to heal and recoup myself. The “Omg I think he’s the one” to “I’m crying in the clinic because they have to do all this testing and blood work since he’s been cheating on me” pipeline was crazy. The anxiety that I experienced of waiting for my results to come back I don’t wish on anyone. The shame I felt from feeling like I make terrible choices in partners plus the heightened anxiety from even thinking of allowing another person to touch my body was a lot on myself.
Feeling dumb, questioning myself and anger just boiled up to a point I needed some time to collect myself.
First, were there temptations at times? Yeah. A girl has her needs. But I knew that when I choose to not be celibate anymore, I would want a long-term relationship again. I was not going to entertain anything that went against that. I can get a man anytime I want, but I do not want to entertain just any type of man.
This was a time to reassess the situation. This was a time to forgive myself because I mean I’m the prize baby, it’s your loss. I found myself downplaying how hurt I was and trying to move on fast but really, I was just suppressing my emotions. Especially because I never received closure; when I confronted him about the cheating, he tried to gaslight me, make excuses and even threatened suicide if I left him ( he eventually blocked ME because I refuse to give in to his manipulation) So I was trying to mentally move on fast instead of giving myself the closure, and suppressing your feelings is never the way to go about it!
These 2 years gave me the time to focus on my self worth. I took the time to actually feel and not bury it. No matter how uncomfortable an emotion can be, it's better to let those feelings come up rather than stomping them down because you think avoiding them will make them go away. There's an old saying in manifestation, " What you resist, persists." What you resist or push away to feel, see, acknowledge or take responsibility for, will continue to grow bigger and bigger until you really CAN'T avoid it. And by that time that's why we may witness people who snap or have break downs, because those emotions were brewing for so long that our bodies literally explode like a volcano. It's a long-awaited release that could've been done earlier.
Through this journey, it also gave me time to tap more into my spirituality. Besides being your fave coach when it comes to sexuality, I am also very into astrology, tarot, law of attraction, reading dystopian novels, watching vintage cinema, studying Korean and countless other things I like to dabble in. Having things I enjoy learning, and being present within that learning has helped me with my anxiety and bring more joy to my life. I can be an anxious girly at times, and my hobbies/ interests help me stay grounded and in the present moment, rather than being stuck in unhelpful thought loops. Seeing my progress when I get all the answers correct in my Korean textbook, or being able to openly share something I learned in my tantra book to my partner makes me feel proud of who I am. I am courageous, hard working, determined, sexy and successful in my own ways.
I invested this year in getting a natal chart reading to learn more about myself and my path in life, learning how to intuitively read tarot (I have not expanded to doing other people's readings, but it's been a daily part of my routine to wake up in the morning and pull a card for myself and ask my guides for messages) and of course feeding my Tumblr addiction by learning astrology on there. Seeing how much I have learned these past few months makes me proud of myself for dedicating the time to expand my learning (I'm a Gemini we love learning and having information)
Celibacy has helped me better discern when it comes to partnerships and dating. I took the time to script (I can get more into that another time, but it's something I heavily emphasize in my course: KITTEN SZN: RELEASE SHAME – Pretty Sub LLC into detail what type of partnership I wanted: all down to the types of dates, personality qualities I want, status, our dynamic, etc. Being specific and honest about what I want and standing on it helped me weed out those not suited for my energy. We often see on social media other's opinions on relationships. Sometimes people let the internet tell them what to think or what they should do when it comes to dating and relationships - and I simply don't follow that. I find a lot of people feel they have to play a role to be accepted and loved. A lot of people also don't mind the business that pays them and often judge other's partnerships or spread a certain rhetoric when it comes to men and women. Taking the time to be in my own space, identify what I want and use that lens helped me save a lot of time and energy. I also don't waste my time on debates- my standards are non-negotiable. Often us women can be told that we are being " too picky" but baby ain't nothing wrong with niche-ing yourself! We aren't meant for everybody.
Celibacy also helped me recognized how powerful my sexual energy is and that I can't share it with just anybody. I know I am wifey material and those with ill intentions can smell that and want a taste without committing or being deceptive. People we may find " attractive" is often a surface level physical attraction. Once you are clear on what exactly you want, especially when it comes to more serious partnership- you realize you wouldn't let certain motherfuckers touch you with a 10-foot pole! It's really eye opening to pick up on certain things quickly and be like, " Mmmm you look good but nah." Can't give my good punnani to someone who thinks they can control me or shame me into an image they want me to be rather than just going after what they really desire. I will be damned I give it to someone who rants all day about women on Threads.
So anyways...
Recently I decided to jump back into the dating world. By recently I mean the past few months. I wanted to put myself out in the world again and find healthy, erotic, passionate, expansive love. With what I have learned these two years, coupled with building my self-esteem, going after my goals, etc. I wanted to take a run again at dating. I have met amazing people here and there and even when nothing went past a conversation or a date - I was taking mental notes at the progression. I can now visibly see how much I changed by looking at the people I was interacting with. Even if we weren't a match in heaven, it was clues into the type of people I do want in my life. People that help me prosper and be authentic to who I am. It was evidence that I am shifting into welcoming positive experiences into my life. And I was so excited to get the princess treatment I deserve.
Now getting into it... this past weekend I went to Poundtown 😝
I won't get supppperr into detail ( I already told my homegirls ) but I will say ya girl was realll satisfied. I had a good night's sleep and woke up happy as fuck skipping around my house.
And I don't regret it. I put thought into it, and I felt comfortable doing so after communication with my partner. I emphasize in my course or if you book a session with me: KITTEN CHAT 💖 – Pretty Sub LLC that communication is not only the most important thing you can do in relationships (even if you just want to do one-night stands) but the sexiest thing to do. Nothing sexier than concise honest input. Why not be honest and forthcoming with someone you're about to share bodily fluids with?
If you ask me if I hit that, I will respond like Cardi B: " AND DIDD!" and I will do it again 😝 no regrets all anticipation for our next time.
I could of went a longer time with my celibacy, but I felt this was the time to open myself up (literally) and put what I have been working so hard and focusing on to actual practice.
And that is the beauty of all this. It was my choice to start it and end it. It was my choice. I had so much freedom in learning more about myself and cultivating a space where when I was ready for love - it'll come in easier than ever before.
Whether you do it for a few weeks, months, years - I feel this is something everyone should try out at some point!
I would love to know your thoughts on celibacy! Have you tried it before? What benefits did you see? I want to be nosy lol. Comment down below or DM me your responses.
Until next time 💋
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