Self Care for Mental Health - When It's Hard

Oh look who's back AHHHH * Megan thee Stallion voice*

I went on Instagram and asked you guys for some topics to speak on, and one of you guys suggested speaking on mental health, taking care of yourself especially when it may feel hard to do so. 

Stress, anxiety, family issues, toxic friendships etc. can run a toll on us, especially if you're someone who struggles with self care- putting yourself first, having boundaries, knowing when to take breaks, knowing when something or someone has run it's course and you must let it go.

For me, I am someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, I am someone who is learning to assert my boundaries and speaking up more for what I would and would not allow. I am learning to heal from past traumas everyday, and some days are easier and some days are harder and I just want to give up. But my overall I guess goal is to learn to take better care of myself and respect myself more. And attract better people, places , things, etc that are good for me.

And none of this is easy, I remember being on this forum or something long ago and it was about depression. And the person spoke on how depression can actually be " comforting" to a lot of people. In a sense, you get " comfortable" constantly feeling x y and z. It feels familiar. It seems normal because you have felt x y and z for such and such time. Anything different or new, seems scary. I think that's why for me or maybe someone out there reading this, healing seemed scary or foreign. Change felt scary. A life that isn't x y and z seems scary and nerve wrecking and you rather wallow away in your room than risk anything. I was that girl telling my therapist meditation is bullshit and it looks boring. And now I am someone who meditates and journals everyday or almost everyday. I am talking pages and pages of pure FEELINGS. And I am someone who struggles with expressing and acknowledging my emotions, but learning to live with them give them attention and work with them- not against them everyday. 

What is your self- love language? We often talk about love languages in relationships, but what about the one you have with yourself. Ask yourself fo you do anything in the day to show love to yourself? And it doesn't have to be expensive or such a big thing. Your self love when you're sad or upset or feeling gloomy could be making yourself some green tea and wearing your favorite pyjamas and watching an old show you liked growing up. Your self love could be reading a book or taking a walk or doing retail therapy ( don't blame me if you start spending your whole check LOL ) 

I recommend this if you want to learn your self love language, but I am sure there's plenty more, including books you can find:

https://findingjulianne.com/self-love-language-quiz/

For me I got " Acts of Service" which means for me I prefer making my life easier. I am someone that plans shit ahead and prefers it to run smoothly. I am that friend who wakes up at 6 am when we not meeting until like 4 pm and I am the first motherfucker at the sushi restaurant LOL. For me, though I can be lazy, I try to organize my messy thoughts better, I purchased a journal, and I use it mainly at work, since I work as a legal assistant and have tons of tasks to get done throughout the day and it can get very overwhelming. For me even writing on my To Do List " meditate" and checking it off makes me feel accomplished. I would also say retail therapy is another love language of mine. I am someone who expresses myself through fashion. I am that girl who dyes her hair tons of colors ( last color I did was hot pink !) and I like Kpop fashion. I recently bought these cool boots that remind me of the style Bratz would wear and that was my shit growing up. I also bought this hella cute bunny hoodie and cool Harley Quinn wallet from @egirllounge on Instagram. I also bought me some lingerie * winks* cause I have this obsession with lingerie for some reason. And I wear it for myself I don't have a man ( yet) LOL.

If you guys know any dope insta shops that make handmade lingerie let ya girl know in the comments below. But that is some examples. 

And when it comes to taking care of yourself, try not to feel guilty. Sometimes saying "no" to those dinner plans or not taking calls after a certain time can seem cold, sometimes we need to prioritize ourselves. And if someone takes offense to that, well that says more about them than you. Going back to my shopping thing for example, I was laying in bed looking at all this stuff I wanted, and I started to feel bad. I started to chastise myself for the money I was spending : " Why do you want this? You're always shopping stop ", things like that. I REALLY wanted this stuff , but a voice in my head was guilt tripping me. I was on one site, feeling bad I was about to check out, and X out the site. I rolled over and went to bed. And today I woke up thinking about that cute ass lingerie dress. I sat with myself and was like " well do you want it? Why do you want it ? Where ya man at ?" Then I thought about it. I wanted it, simply cause I wanted it LOL. I didn't need a man or a special purpose to have it. My plan is to actually take some cute pics and knock the fuck out after watching a show with it on. Me wanting it was enough. I didn't have to give someone a special reason for why I desired that specific dress. I thought it was cute and it'll look super bomb on me, that's it and that's all and that is enough. 

That is enough. You do not need to over explain why you would rather stay home and sleep than go out to so and so party. You do not need to over explain why you decided to go to therapy and so and so doesn't want to but makes you feel bad that you are seeking professional help. You do not need to over explain to somebody why rubbing your labia for 20 seconds and asking " did you cum" makes no damn sense, especially if you told them this before. ( okay maybe I'm straying away but you get my point) 

What I am really trying to say is learning and being more assertive in what you want or may need at a moment, doesn't make you a bad person. I think we have been conditioned by certain people, society and things we have seen that self care is seen as selfish and we should always take people's opinions and feeling in consideration. That taking a two hour nap is " lazy" rather than seen as recharging yourself. That speaking up and expressing what has made us upset or feel neglected is taboo and we should just shut up and deal with it. 

For me I would say self care and prioritizing myself has made such a large difference in my life. I was someone who made sure everyone else was comfortable before myself. I would stay quiet to keep the peace. I would stay in toxic situations because I felt that is all I had. I avoided my feelings because I didn't know how to deal with them and saw it as being ( or told I was)  needy or burdensome. Several years ago after leaving a very toxic situation i think that's when I finally put my big girl panties on and decided that my life can't always be x y and z because I am miserable and deserve to be happy. And that is why I do therapy, do group sessions, do meditations, trying to get back into the hobbies I enjoyed, and learning to love and respect myself more. I used to want to be this perfect healed woman but now as I write this that isn't even the goal I realize. 

Life can always throw crazy things at us. Maybe you are starting a new job, maybe you are just now getting back into the dating scene, maybe you are someone that has moved to a new city or school, maybe your job is super overwhelming now or you're trynna quit. But the one thing I will say is don't neglect your self care. How can you succeed or feel good when you're burnt out? Sick? How can you be grounded and enjoy life if you're so anxious and worrying about what's going to happen next month? How can you enjoy the fruits of your labor if you're focusing on what you don't have?

What's that famous line from Kung Fu Panda?

" Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift! That is why it is called the present."

I can not tell you exactly HOW to practice self care. That is why I linked the quiz and suggest some research. And I encourage you do so. I encourage you that even when life is feeling very hard, you take the extra time- even if it's 5 minutes- to show some love to yourself. We can look for it in others, but the greatest feeling is when it's from within you. Right now I was just feeling a sudden wave of self doubt and anxiety writing this, but I am continuing anyway because I know I am saying it from an authentic place. I am showing myself love by not letting fear tell me who I am.

This post was very raw to me actually. Usually I am not so revealing in my blog posts but I guess that is a head start to something different :) Comment down below your self - love language and ways you practice self love. Don't forget to comment and share - and feel free to suggest ideas for future blog posts !!!

 Thank you all for your support.