KITTEN TALK 6 : The Experience of Shame
Hiii guys ! Happy Thanksgiving or I hope you had a great one ( depending when I post this up or when you see this)
And if you're in a tough situation right now or around certain people, I send you love and try not to let anyone get under your skin.
I woke up today, and I have the day off so I woke up a bit later than usual (by later I mean 8 am, my body naturally wakes up early) and I had a lot on my mind, especially regarding shame.
What is shame? A quick search on google says, " a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior"
Have you ever experienced shame? Most likely all of us have had at some point. Someone says something about your hobby or your interest or what you like, and have THE most negative shit to say about it. The real kicker is when people you don't even KNOW have something to say about you. People on the internet love to project assumptions on people they barely know behind the screen. I see it all the time and I am sure you do too.
I was thinking about shame in the context of my dreams, my goals, my interests and how through out my life whether it was loved ones or " friends" or even strangers on the internet, made assumptions and shamed me for what I like or do. It has created subconscious guilt that has blocked me or made it " harder" for me to achieve or get started on certain things because those past words and feelings have come up. And yes- that friend making a " joke" may not even be making a joke, that's how THEY really feel sis and they hide it behind back handed humor.
I realize I was internalizing other's irrelevant thoughts and LIMITING beliefs about how life should look like and be- that I was stopping my joy.
Why do people shame? There's many reasons I am sure. But what comes up is sometimes people have limiting beliefs about certain things or topics ( ahem sexuality which I will talk about in a bit) and they believe what they think is true- should apply to everyone. Sometimes people are ignorant, subconsciously willingly ignorant. They have been put in and taught certain beliefs and conditions, and have grown up thinking that is ultimate truth. We have the internet in our hands people- if you have a device that can connect to data or wifi, you can look up anything on the innanet. People are afraid to hear or learn perspectives that are different than they're own, so they get angry, shame or avoid certain conversations all together.
Note that I am not saying what anybody thinks or believes is " wrong" because I am not here to start arguments or shame anyone myself. And it's fruitless to go back and forth with people who are set on certain belief systems or to shame someone because they don't think the same as you.
I brought up sexuality. If you're reading this, I assume you found me on Instagram most likely, seen my page and already came up with an idea of what my brand is about... and you may or may not made assumptions about me or what this page may be about and who it is for. I am not shaming- just saying.
Sexuality is a hot topic I feel usually. Especially with the boom of OnlyFans during quarantine. People have a lot to say about sex and what people choose to share on the interwebs. Especially women, we're usually the target of people shaming us for posting photos or even memes pertaining to sexuality. Do I think there is a time or place for everything? Absolutely. I hope you're not going to a funeral with just a g string and mesh bra. But in a healthy context with sexuality, there is so much shame and guilt- especially when it comes to kinks, LGBTQ+ relationships, communication etc. that people have all this anger. But I think underneath it all, is shame we have about it. Sexuality is seen as something that shouldn't be seen or discussed, maybe you grew up around people who saw sex as disgusting, who think women should act a certain way, who didn't get a proper education and got shit off pornography ( not even gonna lie I watch porn but I wouldn't label it as " educational material" all the time just saying).
An example I have is when I was part of a sex education club in college, and one of our tasks was to go out and hand condoms and brochures to students. The amount of red faces I saw was adorable, but it opened my eyes to how many people WOULDN'T take a bag of condoms or take an educational pamphlet. They will have a shy smile but look down and walk away quickly. Come on guys, this is a college campus and I know some of yall rumping like no tomorrow ( safely I hope) But it showed me how out of an intimate heat of the moment, people feel ashamed and that they have to " hide" something.
This doesn't just apply to sex. Think about your hobbies, things you like, stuff you want to do in your lifetime. Have you ever shared it with someone and they were just a debby downer? They made you feel it's not important, or its weird, or that it's just a fantasy and laugh? They told you its not realistic or hard to achieve? It might hurt when you realize a lot of people we think are our confidantes, really don't see the things we are capable of as humans. And that is okay- it is NOT your job to convince someone to see things the same as you do, but you can believe and see things for yourself. You can rendezvous with people who do. You can see in yourself you have the tools to achieve what you want - no matter the opinions and beliefs of others.
If you want to post that picture because you felt good and sexy do it. You want to be a pro- gamer? Do it. You want to travel or date this person? Do it. Do what feels good to you. Whether it's right or wrong is no one's business.
Annnnd that's all for today. I was going to quickly mention I been reading a lot of books lately about finding your life purpose, how to achieve goals and having confidence. If you're interested, I will list them here:
1. " A Happy Pocket Full of Money" by David Cameron Gikandi
Link :
https://www.amazon.com/Happy-Pocket-Money-Expanded-Study/dp/1571747362/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=happy+pocket+full+of+money&qid=1637858041&qsid=134-2672951-0563650&sr=8-1&sres=1571747362%2C1436371651%2C1571746625%2CB088MDY29J%2C1612680178%2CB01F7O1FKW%2C1878424319%2C1623159911%2C0140280197%2CB008BUHTLE%2C0735223130%2C0890425558%2C1954596073%2C1577314808%2C143383216X%2C0345538374&srpt=ABIS_BOOK
2. " The Alchemist " by Paulo Coelho
Link:
https://www.amazon.com/Alchemist-25th-Anniversary-Paulo-Coelho/dp/0062390627/ref=sr_1_3?crid=NT3HS4IID8GM&keywords=the+alchemist+by+paulo+coelho&qid=1637858075&qsid=134-2672951-0563650&sprefix=the+alchemist+%2Caps%2C186&sr=8-3&sres=0062315005%2C0062390627%2CB00540JYS0%2CB00SLUCP4A%2C0062024329%2C0061122416%2CB008AU9PV2%2CB004N5L5KW%2CB01GUEW1KG%2CB07NP6Y6BB%2C0062845063%2C1878424319%2CB00AQI6C6M%2C0062511408%2C0345805054%2CB000JMKNZG&srpt=ABIS_BOOK
3. " The 5 Second Rule" by Mel Robbins
Link :
https://www.amazon.com/Second-Rule-Transform-Confidence-Everyday/dp/1682612384/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+5+second+rule+mel+robbins&qid=1637858146&qsid=134-2672951-0563650&sr=8-1&sres=1682612384%2CB087FJD6Q5%2CB09GJKWGV4%2C168261722X%2CB086PNZFNF%2C1546898913%2CB076DJBXJ8%2CB07WDQZ2S4%2CB077M7MT9M%2CB07BZVL8PJ%2CB09KN81HV3%2CB088MKXNZK%2CB07YXZJKBY%2CB075KTJF6B%2CB09KN7XVVG%2CB0987FDMSY&srpt=ABIS_BOOK
4. " The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment" by Eckhart Tolle
Link :
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+power+of+now&qid=1637858204&qsid=134-2672951-0563650&sr=8-1&sres=1577314808%2C1577311523%2CB0095GVWMA%2C160868637X%2C1529383943%2C1577312198%2CB000096BDG%2C0008386420%2C0140280197%2C8484450341%2C1982128321%2C160459201X%2C1878424319%2C1577314468%2C1670168816%2C8188479446&srpt=ABIS_BOOK
5. " The Kybalion" by Three Initiates
Link :
https://www.amazon.com/Kybalion-Hermetic-Philosophy-Ancient-Greece/dp/1603864784/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=the+kybalion&qid=1637858228&qsid=134-2672951-0563650&sr=8-4&sres=0143131680%2C1603864784%2C0943217210%2C161427987X%2C1976061512%2CB08Y3XFT47%2C1585428744%2CB00K1LEGXA%2C1987494652%2CB07B75MKLH%2C1546973370%2CB09GZKRPPF%2C3242579844%2C1946774839%2C1907347011%2C1979380449&srpt=ABIS_BOOK
If you get a chance to read any of these, let me know down below your thoughts and if they have helped you in some way. Again, Happy Thanksgiving to you all, stay safe, and thank you all for your support !! Love you xoxo.