KITTEN TALK 37: #STOPBEINGTHENICEGIRL 💖

Being the nice girl is draining.

Being the "nice girl" is a mind trick from a society telling you that if you disregard your needs, you will be loved. You are the "chill" girl but really, you're being played for a fool while he's out in the club and streets doing whatever he wants. Or perhaps you're in a career you hate. Or you're constantly walking on eggshells for people who don't care how you feel as long as you do what they like.

Being the "nice girl" has and will continue to make your world suffer until you wake up and see why it's all bullshit.

A lot of the time online I see women express stories about being turned down by men. They’re made to feel that they’re asking too much of a partner or that if they tweak this or that about themselves, they’ll be suitable enough for a man. They are being gaslit by those who raised them or whoever they were around; that being the “nice girl" is the right thing to be.

Little do they know, it's a punishment.  

Always be polite. Smile. Don't be rude. That’s how a lady is supposed to act.

Being the “nice girl" is putting other needs before your own. It’s being told that if you do so and so to make someone happy, you're this great person who people will love and adore. It’s not speaking up for what you really want in a relationship. It's tolerating toxic behaviors and constantly forgiving the same offenders who make no attempt to change their behavior. It's draining yourself in the name of being the help - the savior in other's lives. It's not maintaining firm boundaries because you're afraid to hurt feelings. It's letting guilt, that is built from the shame others project onto you, dictate your life. 

Being the "nice girl" is being a people pleaser. It's a silly ploy society has made to silence our voice as women. If we feel too timid to speak our minds, to share our hearts and desires and anger and rage, that means we are under control. Our voices should not be controlled by anyone else but ourselves.  

Being the "nice girl" is allowing your voice to be taken away. It's allowing your life to be in the hands of another person. Rejection has been fed to us as this terrible, horrible thing to go through and to avoid that, we must be "nice" and act in ways for the comfort of others despite the detriment it does to us.

It's like how the saying goes: “Rejection is redirection.” Speaking our truth and others not agreeing does not mean we need to internalize what they say as this "truth".

Your standards are your standards. Whether it’s in relationships, sex, career, friendships, etc., we have a right to affirm our wants, needs, and boundaries without feeling the need to be "maintainable". Women are often projected to fit a certain image to be desirable while also being sexualized/objectified, yet pressured, to not be "too much" by men who never left their basement. 

Me openly talking about sexuality doesn't fit the "nice girl" bid. I’ve been told I’m too much. I’ve felt the need to hide or change things about myself because people made me feel I had a bunch of flaws. I’ve been told I’m rude for simply standing up for myself. I internalized a lot of other's energy while diminishing my own.

It boiled to a point of so much pain and confusion that I sat myself down and had a firm talk on what I will and will not tolerate. Even though I was freaking out internally, I knew certain things had to be put to death to fit this new mindset. 

I came to the conclusion that anything not loving, helping, or growing me had to go. Once you let the pressure of worry and guilt fall off, it's like this huge sigh of relief; feeling lighter in body and mind, and feeling more at peace. 

To not honor yourself because you’re afraid to hurt feelings and the perception of you is bullshit. At the end of the day, YOU deal with the consequences of not doing what makes you happy.

Not being the "nice girl" rewards you with:

💖 Lower tolerance for bullshit

💖 Upholding boundaries

💖 Confidence in who you are

💖 Following your dreams

💖 Peace

💖 Positively enforced relationships

If people have a problem with it, so what? And I know it’s easier said than done, especially when it comes to loved ones, BUT remember what I said before, you are the only one who deals with the consequences when you do everything for other people and not yourself. If people take such a deep issue with you for being who you are and doing what’s best for you, then they’re not your people, and you have no business trying to please them anyway.

Take what I say as not a "mean girl" message or to be overly aggressive in expressing what you need. Take it from someone who was a people pleaser in various situations, it's okay to let go of the projections others make of you. It’s not rude to go for what you want and hold boundaries. It’s okay to follow your dreams no matter what, even if it's becoming a short story writer when your parents wanted you to be a doctor. It’s authentically being you, even if it's "too much". It’s speaking up for yourself when you feel misunderstood or underappreciated. It’s allowing yourself to have a voice and take space in a world we feel we need to not do too much. 

So, what are some ways you’ve dropped the "nice girl" persona and went after what’s best for you? And if not, why not, and what are some ways you can change that? Comment down below!

By the way, my e-book is releasing soon, read more about it here: 

https://www.instagram.com/p/DHpdLDLsYGu/?igsh=MTU2MWx0dDBtd3NyMQ==

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